I just got an email from a new mother who said she is getting angry with her newborn, and that she sometimes feels like she wants to hit her or shake her violently, and that she repetitively had thoughts of hurting her newborn.
Now note that she said: feels like, that means she doesn’t do it. She’s resisting that impulse.
But she’s scared that she’ll lose it someday when she’s stressed out and tired, and that’s why she reached out.
She was extremely apologetic about it, and I can tell from the way she writes that she feels really ashamed of herself and is embarrassed about her feelings. I’m just going to quote one of the things she said:
im a terrible mother!!!!
Well, let me tell you, you’re not a terrible mother.
You’re an overwhelmed mother who hasn’t yet figured out how to handle the stress of being responsible for a newborn.
But a terrible mother wouldn’t have resisted the urge to get back at her child. A terrible mother wouldn’t have gone online and searched for a way to prevent something bad from happening. A terrible mother wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of reaching out and sending an email, asking for help.
That’s something a good mother does. Let me tell you this:
You’re a good mother because you try to do your best.
You’re a good mother because, when your best is not good enough, you try to become better.
And you’re not the only one.
A young mother once confessed to me (crying) that she once really had the urge to throw her baby across the room when she just wouldn’t go to sleep and kept crying.
Another impulse she sometimes had was to just push a pillow on her newborns face to silence her crying.
But there’s a big difference between having that kind of impulse in your mind and controlling it and actually doing it.
Look, there’s a dark side to parenting. It’s tough. It’s hard. It can be soul-wrenching at times.
Getting angry with newborns is in fact quite a common experience for many parents. You experience so many frustrating situations till you reach a point where you’re just completely irrational and it can be really hard to stay in control of your emotions.
Sometimes you might feel as if you want to cry and shout at the same time, because it’s just too much.
No matter how much you love your baby – he or she can surely push you to the edge.
The most important thing is to never act violently towards your baby, no matter what. If you are at a point where you can’t control it anymore, then just lay her down in her crib, go out of the room and close the door for three minutes and use that time to calm down as much as possible. It’s not an ideal solution, but at least a safety-backup plan for emergency situations.
It really helps if you have an experienced and understanding person you can trust and talk with. You’ll see that it’s not just you.
Don’t feel guilty or blame yourself for the way you feel.
Parenting is a learning process. It’s an opportunity to grow as a human being and develop your personality further.
You can use the self hypnosis downloads to teach your mind to remain calm and stay grounded, and better cope with the stresses of handling a baby. Because hypnosis works in two ways: one, it will help you to relax deeply (and recharge your batteries), and two, it will help you to adapt better mental strategies and stress management techniques.