Getting Over Unrequited Love
Few things can be as agonizing and painful as unrequited love. When you long for someone who doesn’t love you, it can be frustrating, humiliating, depressing and it can make you feel really terrible.
There is lots of well-meant advice that you will get – from (supposedly) cheerful comments like: “Don’t worry, there are 6 billion people on planet earth, you will find the right one.” to “Don’t let this drag you down so much – do something fun, something that get’s your mind off of him (or her).”
But the distressing truth is: all this won’t help you as easily as they make it seem to be.
Click Here To Get Over Unrequited Love With Hypnosis
When you meet the person you adore, you’ll automatically memorize every detail of what they say – and you’ll study them – you’ll come to understand their preferences, how they grew up, and so on. All this just to be able to make them happy, to maybe give them their favourite food one day or come up with an idea that shows them how much you care, and how well you truely understand them.
When you meet them, you scan their body language, you read between the lines of what they say, to maybe find any hint or clue that indicates that finally, they secretly have fallen in love with you too.
If you’re still in that stage, you haven’t yet come to grips with the fact that it’s better to move on. Better to accept that they don’t love you and – as harsh and cruel as it sounds – never will. As long you still have hope for them falling in love with you, your suffering will continue.
So, that is the first step. But… where is that “unlove button” that you just have to push to stop loving someone? Oh, right, I forgot: there is none. Love is much stronger than the mind, than all the rational thinking we can muster up. It’s a mighty force we can’t conquer easily.
It comes at you in the form of fantasies and daydreams of what could be. Chinese water torture is a ride in the park compared to what this does to you emotionally.
Maybe the person you love knows it already. Maybe you told him or her. Maybe someone else did. Maybe it’s just so plain obvious that words weren’t necessary. If they know, there are different ways in which they react – but chances are that they will always feel slightly weird and uncomfortable when you are around once they know.
It doesn’t matter how much other people care about you, how much they respect and love you – because the only one that matters doesn’t. This can really wear you down and have a heavy toll on your confidence and your self-image. You might ask yourself: “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?”
I hate to tell this to you, because I know it may sound like I’m talking down to you, but I’m really not. I’m just talking from experience and asking you to answer a question for yourself, just to be sure. The question I want to answer is: “Was there a person early in my life – my childhood or my teenage years – who’s approval I tried to get, but never felt I did?” If so, that’s a good thing, because it means that your suffering has more to do with yourself than with the other person, and it’s a lot easier to do something about that. Because in that case unrequited love might be “just” a learned pattern that you have to unlearn. If not, things are more difficult.
Love without reciprocitation has been the subject of art, music and literature for millennia, and of movies for decades. A recent character was Charlie Brown from the “Peanuts” cartoon who’s in love with the little red-haired girl, that doesn’t care about him. Another famous story is that of Cyrano de’Bergerac, or the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Great Gatsby, the Phantom of the Opera…
Being lovesick this way is no small thing, and that’s something that most people don’t understand. It can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, extreme mood swings and more. Dr. Frank Tallis, a clinical psychologist in London, said that unrequited love can lead to symptoms like mania, elevated mood, inflated self-esteem, depression, insomnia and obsessive compulsive behaviour and more. And clinical psychologist Prof Alex Gardner believes that people can literally die from a broken heart.
That is why you absolutely should do something about it. Don’t just hope that it will get better on it’s own. Don’t just wish for a miracle. Don’t make the “time will heal my wounds mistake”.


{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, reading this passage has me me gobsmacked,
Finally I know im not the only one like this.. In my head he lves me too
.. I read his signs and have memorized everything every mentioed about him or what he’s said, when I try explaining to people that I dnt want to memprize everything tjey dnt understand and think im just like a stalker
And its how I feel, knowing his family, his lifestyle, when he dsnt want to know anything about me, wont eclven speak to me, and he knows I like him, so he’s akward around me, this passage summ it up exactly, iv loved him for 9 years, and in the past 4 years iv been soo depressed, I tried to turn my life around, but for some stupis reason .. He’s in my head.. An. I just wanna talk and let it out, I want to be able to get on with me lif witjout wondering if i’ll walk paat him in a shop today or is he thinking about me too, someday he’ll come out and say he really haa loved me all along and he”s been too shy to say. Reading this makes me feel soo doubtful of that anymore.. I need help..
Hi Amy,
thanks for sharing. Sometime painful doubts can be like a bitter medicine: tastes awful, but it helps. If you’ve loved him for 9 years, and been depressed for 4 years, it might be time to close this chapter, even when there’s no happy ending. I agree with you, if you can get help, maybe from someone who is experienced guiding people through this phase in their life, it might be a good idea.
Bob
This has been extremely helpful for me to read, as I have loved someone for a very long time, who… in the end… just does not love me back and never will. It hurts really bad, but I believe that I am getting very close to the moving on(again) point, which I was able to do before for…get this, 5 YEARS! Then… there he was again…
The last 3 months have been a complete blur for me. I let all the bills go, the laundry piled up, I failed a class- ruining my straight A history, and I have been too depressed to even call my real friends. Being lovesick is without a doubt- the worst thing I have ever experienced, and I have just been disgusted with myself that even after I went through the very first thing with him round 1 (7 years ago)…. I would go back for more. A few times recently… I have felt like giving up all together, all because he does not love me. This, I realize… is not the answer.
Thank you for hope…. Sometimes it helps just to know that we are not alone in this world, feeling something that no one has ever experienced.
Hi Jessica,
thanks for sharing what you’re going through – I’m sure it will help other people too. It’s true – reading about other people’s similar experiences, and expressing your own can help to soothe the pain a bit for a while.
Wishing you all the best,
Bob
An interesting article but what if that person is a colleague and you have to interact daily.I think this unrequited love though its expressed is the most agonizing
@Broken Heart: It’s definitely one of the most difficult situations to cope with when the person you’re feel that way for is part of your daily life.
But the key to it all is again your inner world, more than the outer world – your emotions, more than your circumstances.
Unfortunately, our own emotions are often some of the most difficult things to change, especially when it comes to love. Nobody can just “switch off love”. But it’s possible to transform this emotional energy into something else over time, and with work and patience – and hypnosis can help to speed the whole process up a little bit.
But there isn’t really a “magic bullet shortcut” for unrequited love, it’s a process you must work on permanently, just like a farmer has to tend his fields year in and year out. But you really can take the pain away from it.