Getting Over Unrequited Love

by Bob Walsh

Few things can be as agonizing and painful as unrequited love. When you long for someone who doesn’t love you, it can be frustrating, humiliating, depressing and it can make you feel really terrible.

There is lots of well-meant advice that you will get – from (supposedly) cheerful comments like: “Don’t worry, there are 6 billion people on planet earth, you will find the right one.” to “Don’t let this drag you down so much – do something fun, something that get’s your mind off of him (or her).”

But the distressing truth is: all this won’t help you as easily as they make it seem to be.

Click Here To Get Over Unrequited Love With Hypnosis

When you meet the person you adore, you’ll automatically memorize every detail of what they say – and you’ll study them – you’ll come to understand their preferences, how they grew up, and so on. All this just to be able to make them happy, to maybe give them their favourite food one day or come up with an idea that shows them how much you care, and how well you truely understand them.

When you meet them, you scan their body language, you read between the lines of what they say, to maybe find any hint or clue that indicates that finally, they secretly have fallen in love with you too.

If you’re still in that stage, you haven’t yet come to grips with the fact that it’s better to move on. Better to accept that they don’t love you and – as harsh and cruel as it sounds – never will. As long you still have hope for them falling in love with you, your suffering will continue.

So, that is the first step. But… where is that “unlove button” that you just have to push to stop loving someone? Oh, right, I forgot: there is none. Love is much stronger than the mind, than all the rational thinking we can muster up. It’s a mighty force we can’t conquer easily.

It comes at you in the form of fantasies and daydreams of what could be. Chinese water torture is a ride in the park compared to what this does to you emotionally.

thorns

Maybe the person you love knows it already. Maybe you told him or her. Maybe someone else did. Maybe it’s just so plain obvious that words weren’t necessary. If they know, there are different ways in which they react – but chances are that they will always feel slightly weird and uncomfortable when you are around once they know.

It doesn’t matter how much other people care about you, how much they respect and love you – because the only one that matters doesn’t. This can really wear you down and have a heavy toll on your confidence and your self-image. You might ask yourself: “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?”

I hate to tell this to you, because I know it may sound like I’m talking down to you, but I’m really not. I’m just talking from experience and asking you to answer a question for yourself, just to be sure. The question I want to answer is: “Was there a person early in my life – my childhood or my teenage years – who’s approval I tried to get, but never felt I did?” If so, that’s a good thing, because it means that your suffering has more to do with yourself than with the other person, and it’s a lot easier to do something about that. Because in that case unrequited love might be “just” a learned pattern that you have to unlearn. If not, things are more difficult.

Love without reciprocitation has been the subject of art, music and literature for millennia, and of movies for decades. A recent character was Charlie Brown from the “Peanuts” cartoon who’s in love with the little red-haired girl, that doesn’t care about him. Another famous story is that of Cyrano de’Bergerac, or the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Great Gatsby, the Phantom of the Opera…

brokenheart

Being lovesick this way is no small thing, and that’s something that most people don’t understand. It can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, extreme mood swings and more. Dr. Frank Tallis, a clinical psychologist in London, said that unrequited love can lead to symptoms like mania, elevated mood, inflated self-esteem, depression, insomnia and obsessive compulsive behaviour and more. And clinical psychologist Prof Alex Gardner believes that people can literally die from a broken heart.

That is why you absolutely should do something about it. Don’t just hope that it will get better on it’s own. Don’t just wish for a miracle. Don’t make the “time will heal my wounds mistake”.

Click Here To Get Over Unrequited Love With Hypnosis

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy August 23, 2011 at 1:10 am

Wow, reading this passage has me me gobsmacked,
Finally I know im not the only one like this.. In my head he lves me too
.. I read his signs and have memorized everything every mentioed about him or what he’s said, when I try explaining to people that I dnt want to memprize everything tjey dnt understand and think im just like a stalker
And its how I feel, knowing his family, his lifestyle, when he dsnt want to know anything about me, wont eclven speak to me, and he knows I like him, so he’s akward around me, this passage summ it up exactly, iv loved him for 9 years, and in the past 4 years iv been soo depressed, I tried to turn my life around, but for some stupis reason .. He’s in my head.. An. I just wanna talk and let it out, I want to be able to get on with me lif witjout wondering if i’ll walk paat him in a shop today or is he thinking about me too, someday he’ll come out and say he really haa loved me all along and he”s been too shy to say. Reading this makes me feel soo doubtful of that anymore.. I need help.. :-(

Hypnotist August 24, 2011 at 5:29 am

Hi Amy,
thanks for sharing. Sometime painful doubts can be like a bitter medicine: tastes awful, but it helps. If you’ve loved him for 9 years, and been depressed for 4 years, it might be time to close this chapter, even when there’s no happy ending. I agree with you, if you can get help, maybe from someone who is experienced guiding people through this phase in their life, it might be a good idea.
Bob

Jessica September 5, 2011 at 4:58 pm

This has been extremely helpful for me to read, as I have loved someone for a very long time, who… in the end… just does not love me back and never will. It hurts really bad, but I believe that I am getting very close to the moving on(again) point, which I was able to do before for…get this, 5 YEARS! Then… there he was again…

The last 3 months have been a complete blur for me. I let all the bills go, the laundry piled up, I failed a class- ruining my straight A history, and I have been too depressed to even call my real friends. Being lovesick is without a doubt- the worst thing I have ever experienced, and I have just been disgusted with myself that even after I went through the very first thing with him round 1 (7 years ago)…. I would go back for more. A few times recently… I have felt like giving up all together, all because he does not love me. This, I realize… is not the answer.

Thank you for hope…. Sometimes it helps just to know that we are not alone in this world, feeling something that no one has ever experienced.

Hypnotist September 13, 2011 at 5:21 am

Hi Jessica,
thanks for sharing what you’re going through – I’m sure it will help other people too. It’s true – reading about other people’s similar experiences, and expressing your own can help to soothe the pain a bit for a while.
Wishing you all the best,
Bob

Broken Hearted October 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

An interesting article but what if that person is a colleague and you have to interact daily.I think this unrequited love though its expressed is the most agonizing

Hypnotist October 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

@Broken Heart: It’s definitely one of the most difficult situations to cope with when the person you’re feel that way for is part of your daily life.
But the key to it all is again your inner world, more than the outer world – your emotions, more than your circumstances.
Unfortunately, our own emotions are often some of the most difficult things to change, especially when it comes to love. Nobody can just “switch off love”. But it’s possible to transform this emotional energy into something else over time, and with work and patience – and hypnosis can help to speed the whole process up a little bit.
But there isn’t really a “magic bullet shortcut” for unrequited love, it’s a process you must work on permanently, just like a farmer has to tend his fields year in and year out. But you really can take the pain away from it.

Roman January 16, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I have this problem too. My story is quite similar to others except that I am a guy. My problem is I’ve got infatuated with girls several times but somehow managed to get over it. This time the infatuation/unrequited love lasts longer than usual and I find it much harder to fight it than usual. The worst thing is that the girl I love sends me mixed signals, one day she seems like she likes me the other day she won’t even reply to my e-mails/texts and because of that I can’t get a definite answer from her. Yes, I’ve told her that I like her really much and she said it’s fine but she’s not ready, but later she tells me that she wants me to come and see her parents. I mean why??? if she’s not ready for a relationship?? I think I really need help in here @-@

Hypnotist January 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Hi Roman,
that’s a really tough situation and it’s good that you try to establish whether it’s unrequited love or not. Talk it through with her. On the one hand, if she tells you that she’s not yet ready but wants you to meet her parents, it could just mean that she in fact isn’t ready yet and wants to see how you deal with her parents. Maybe she cares about the opinion of her parents about you and wants them to meet you because of that. I’d say meet the parents is a good signal, because if she’d try to just play you, she’d probably not introduce you to her parents.
Maybe she wants to be pursued further to see that she can really rely on your love and that it’s not just a passing crush.
Hope that helps,
Bob

Lara January 19, 2012 at 3:14 am

For me it’s not so easy to get over him as we are in the same university. I haven’t told him I love him but a few months back we told eachother we really like each other but nothing happened and we have kinda drifted apart although I keep feeling stronger from him every day, I’m scared to ask him if he still has feelins for me an where this is going.. But I have a big feeling it’s unrequited love. :(

Hypnotist January 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Hi Lara,
thanks for sharing. Yes, when you constantly see the person you love it makes things even harder. But believe me it’s better to gain clarity than to be in a uncertain limbo-state where you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Avoidance can stifle your personal development and make you “get stuck”. In the long-term it’s worse than being confronted with the negative news of unrequited love.
Be strong,
Bob

Brilynn February 1, 2012 at 8:13 am

It took me a very long time before I even came to terms with my true feelings. I’ve known the guy I’m in love with since we were 3 years old. I am 19 now. We had crushes on each other when we were little according to our moms. My family ended up moving away, so we were not close for several years. Later, we moved back near where we had lived and he and I ended up in school together again. We became friends again and were kind of close at different points through high school. I tried to convince myself I only liked him because it felt secure since I’d known him for so long. I now know that wasn’t the case. I would try to ignore him, but found it impossible. Everything about him attracted me to him. Not just him physically, but his personality. Especially how much he loves his mother and how important as a friend he makes me feel.
He and I both have been through some very hard times and have tried to help each other through. About a year ago, he went through a really hard time and lost many friends. I never felt like I could tell him how I feel about him because I didn’t want him to feel awkward around me and feel like he’d lost another friend. I feel like I made a sacrifice, but that it was the right thing to do. It still hurts, but I know that one day, I’ll be okay. I know he considers me to be a great friend. I’m beginning to believe that that is enough. Your article really helped me.

Hypnotist February 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

Hi Brilynn,
thanks so much for sharing your story – and also for sharing that my article helped you. It makes me really happy to know that it helped you to feel better, and maybe pass this a bit easier. I understand it’s still so difficult.
What you did was very noble of you, and with a heart like that you’ll be able to find the kind of guy that deserves a girl like you.
this guy will be a friend for life, and the fact that you honour the special relationship you have with him shows that you’re a very mature person. I wish you all the best. You’re still young and you have so many beautiful years and moments ahead of you, even if the thought of that guy makes your heart sink right now. Try to keep yourself open to receiving happiness with open arms when it comes your way, and I hope you’ll have a really bright and joyful relationship with another guy.

crossroads July 1, 2012 at 10:44 am

It’s great reading about other peoples experiences and knowing that im not alone. The worst thing about my situation is that i am in love with my daughters father with whom i have never been in a relationship with. We get along great and he sees us as good friends, but i feel much much more for him. He is leterally on my mind from the moment i wake up untill the moment i fall asleep as well as in my dreams. I feel as though i am infected by him and every action i make is with him in mind. I have told him how i feel and he has made it clear that he does not feel the same.
I hav no idea how to change the way i feel about him. He’s everywhere i look and the worst thing is that i feel like we we’re meant to be together. As if we were soulmates. I need to find a way out of this because i don’t want to push him away for our daughters sake. But my feelngs are so strong feel physicall ill with it all. Please help!

Hypnotist July 1, 2012 at 11:38 am

Hi Crossroads,
thanks for sharing your experience here. I understand this is a really difficult situation.
One thing that makes it even tougher is that you want to (and have very good reason to) maintain contact with him. It would be a lot easier if you could avoid that, but that doesn’t mean you have to. It just means you have to work harder on yourself.
Now what do I mean when I say work harder on yourself?
In this case it’s about changing the way you feel, and that requires you to do a lot of “mental exercises”. I really highly encourage you to use the hypnosis download for unrequited love at least three times a week to change the way you feel and make all the mental exercises more effective.
One example for a mental exercise to simply write down the way you feel about him, and the way you want to feel about him in the future. Now it’s important that you approach this with the right expectations: all these mental exercises should be repeated many times. Kind of like going to the gym – you don’t expect a sixpack from one work out, right? What this exercise does is help you to disassociate yourself from your romantic feelings towards him, because it engages a different part of your brain when you verbalize and write out these things.
There are many more mental exercises, but my suggestion is to try this in combination with the hypnosis for unrequited love and you’ll see your feelings towards him change. Daily, for at least 4 weeks. If you don’t notice any change after that, we can try another technique.
Hope you’ll use this.
Sending you strength,
Bob

Torn July 16, 2012 at 12:45 am

I have a similar situation as the above stated. I met guy, Ryan, in college( I was 17), we were friends with benefits, but they were his benefits(sounds like he’s a jerk, but truly I don’t feel like he was or is). We talked on the phone for hours for months but were never official. I loved him and thought we were soul mates and openly expressed this to him, but he never told me back. We decided to lose our virginity to each other, but in the heat of the moment he said something about another girl and I decided that was not good enough for my first time and told him that and left. I then met my now husband, Adam, and I cheated (no sex but fooled around) on him with Ryan three months into our exclusive relationship. I told Adam everything the day after and he decided to stay with me. That was the end of the Ryan for me…even though I thought I loved him more than Adam and would have chosen him(for reasons only I know). I moved on because Adam treated me like I deserve. Adam and my sex life was horrible emotionally for me a few years and I cried frequently after because I felt like it should have been Ryan. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband more than words can express, but somehow I felt more connected to Ryan. 5 years pass and Ryan and I talk on the phone once and a while because we work for the same company in the same department, but different locations. We never even mention we know who each other is. 3 years after that…One day after we talk on the phone he emails me at work and asks how I’ve been and if I remember the past. Of course I stupidly respond and it turns to a bunch of emails. He’s married 1 and a half years and has a 6 month old. I have been married 2 years at this point. He tells me he may have made a poor choice (i dont know with what because he is so vague) and doesn’t want to think that about the past and wants to make amends with me. He states that if he waited (I don’t know for what) I would have already been married and we wouldn’t have worked in the past because he was too immature. I agree to meet him, we talk and hug and agree on closure, but he was unwilling to tell me an answer to a question I had, “Did he sincerely care about me or love me and think he made a mistake now?” Now I feel like the wound of unrequited love feeling is ripped back open. He openly tells me he “still feels something”but wont because it is wrong to do under God and to his wife(who he will never leave). I feel so confused and hurt and like I may hurt my husbands feelings if I talk to him about this. I don’t know what Ryan wants from me and states his marriage is fine. I still love him and even would be happy as his friend and he has told me he was really sorry for the heartache he caused and I told him I forgive him but don’t know what to do now as it is too late. I can not leave Adam after 8 years in a relationship, but feel like I could be hurting him (or myself) with my “wound” from Ryan. It is good to know I am not alone with my heartache and was glad to read others’ stories. I hope they can inspire me and others to move on.

Kirsten P. August 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I can totally sympathize with this article, and it is nice to be able to realize I am not alone. My husband and I are going on our two years soon, and we’ve been together for about 3 1/2 years. He is a narcissist, and all I do is cater to him, and many times due to our age gap, he likes to refer to me as acting as a child or a brat using the quote “If you act as a child I’m going to treat you like one.” I have major separation anxiety to him, and have crazy thoughts wondering if he is talking to his ex wife when I’m not around, since they have kids together, he knows it bothers me so he does not talk to her around me…when I am away from him I annoy him so bad with my separation issues and I go into a whole depression state of crying where mentally I cannot handle being around anyone and start my nervous tics because I can’t handle life at that moment, wondering what he is doing, why he doesn’t want to talk or text to me, (he will say I need to grow up and handle my emotions or I’m going to go I don’t need this right now)(This is my first love/longest relationship)I need to realize the way he loved me in the beginning, he will never be affectionate again, he just is not in love with me, and I need to wake up and realize he will never change. I need to know so badly, because I am so weak, I have never even had the courage to take a break with him, I need to know what can hypnosis really do for someone with 0 confidence now from being with someone so belittling, can it help give you your lost confidence, can it make you stronger, can it make you realize more that he will never change and I deserve better? I am so scared of the thought of never having him in my life, I am so afraid and trouble with loss. It’s such a sad story, and it’s just another day and another broken heart.

Hypnotist August 16, 2012 at 2:52 am

Hi Kirsten
thank you for sharing your story here so openly.
It’s a really difficult place you’re in right now. The good thing is: you’ve already taken the first step and are actively looking for a way out of this.
Regarding your question: hypnosis is not a magic pill. I can’t tell you that you just listen to the hypnosis sessions and all of the sudden everything is easy and you have confidence and can break up with him, or change him.
Think of hypnosis as an additional layer that you add to working on yourself – kind of like an amplifier that makes building confidence, become more independent and boosting self-esteem easier and faster. But you still will need to work on it.
My suggestion is you just try it out. I’m sure it will help you, but don’t take my word for it. The hypnosis downloads we offer all come with a 90 day guarantee, and if you feel it didn’t help you enough, you will get all your money back, no questions asked and no hard feelings. We offer these downloads because we want to make it easier for people like you to make the change they want to make easier, and have a better life.
Listen to it regularly, ideally once a day – think of it as a kind of “workout for your mind”. And if you have further questions, let me know please.
Kind regards,
Bob

kat bernal October 11, 2012 at 3:07 am

This is completely my situation, but its as close as I could find. Its good to know I’m not alone. I’ve been on a relationship with this Guy for 1yr 3 months. With 2 very short break ups in between. He controls me he sets rules for me. And yet there is one thing I ask him not to do he does it anyway and any time I confront him for it he threatens to kick me out of our new apartment or that he’ll leave me. Sometimes when he gets mad for me confronting him he says things like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But then he comes and apologizes a million times at once. I know I deserve more someone who will support my life goals. I feel like he’s just with me now out of pity but no matter what I do I CANT STOP LOVING HIM. No matter how many times I try I can’t seem to care more for myself and my well being. Every day I live in fear of losing him. I am a good woman very devotes and I feel VERY PATHETIC for letting myself suffer like this. I love him more than anything and even though he puts me through hell I can’t atop myself from loving him… I can’t force myself to be strong enough to leave. I am so in love with someone who I believe is beginning to no longer love me.

Bob Walsh October 12, 2012 at 1:45 am

Hi Kat,
yeah, it’s really time to go, and it’s a terrible situation to be stuck in something like this. At least you realize and admit that you’re part of this too and acknowledge your own responsibility in it. I wish you the strength to get to move through this.
Here’s something that could help you to escape an emotionally abusive relationship, and also a hypnosis download that makes ending a relationship easier and another one that helps you to get the courage to leave an abusive relationship.
Another thing thing that you might ask yourself is: Why do I allow someone to treat me like that? Why do I stay in a situation like that? The obvious answer is of course that you love him and are afraid of losing him, but there might be another answer if you look even deeper than that.
I’m really glad that I’m not in a situation like yours – it must be incredibly difficult, and the advice that you’ll get is mostly from people who don’t really know what it’s like, or who tell you things you already know yourself. But I wish you that in the midst of all this, you still find a way back to happiness.
Best wishes,
Bob

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