Clinginess in relationships can ruin your partnership. If you’re too clingy, if you don’t give the other person enough space, then that’s no basis for a healthy relationship. One of the main reasons for clinginess is the fear of abandonment. You probably know that already – but what do you do with that knowledge? How can you translate this insight into a different way of behaving towards your partner?
There’s a rational and an emotional aspect to this – and both can be challenging.
From a rational perspective, how do you know when you’re clingy, and what constitutes clingy behavior?
At some point you need to ask yourself: Do I trust my partner? And if the answer is yes, and your partner wants to hang out with friends, then by all means let them do it, and don’t ask all kinds of questions, don’t interrogate them, don’t call them while they’re going out or send text messages. You might be worried in your head, but the solution is not to check your partner. The solution is to change your thinking – realize that you’re creating negative imaginary scenarios in your mind, and start changing them. Realize that this is speculation, fantasizing, and treat it as such.
If you want to spend every waking minute with your partner – then realize that that’s not the most productive wish for your relationship. And don’t try to implement it. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you have time which you can enjoy together, and time which you enjoy for yourself, then the quality of both will enhance.
Think of it as a form of emotional inflation. In an economy, when there is too much money in circulation and more and more being printed, then the money loses it’s value. And the same is true with time spent together: if you’re available all the time then the value of your time decreases.
Realize that your time – and you – are valuable. Be confident about your own worth. Maintain a healthy, strong sense of self-esteem. These are all attributes that make you more attractive. And it’s important to realize that these attributes are not just about the way you talk and act, but also – and even moreso – about the way you think and feel. So you need to work with your feelings and thoughts first, in order to act as an authentically confident person.
Most clingy people fear being abandoned – they fear that the other person will leave them. Maybe it’s because of an early traumatic experience when they have been abandoned by someone. Or maybe it’s because they repeatedly had relationships that went the wrong way.
There are mainly two reasons why someone gets repeatedly abandoned: the first reason is that they pick a partner who’s not really available, and thus no matter what they do, they set themselves up for failure.
The second reason is that people who fear being abandoned are so clingy, that their behavior actually causes the other person to get bored by them, and finally abandon them.
Don’t treat your partner like a prisoner – because nobody likes to feel locked up. Have the inner security of trusting your partner and enjoy the freedom of a happy relationship.